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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29673168">How I Wonder</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/seducing_a_vampire/pseuds/seducing_a_vampire'>seducing_a_vampire</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Rewrite, Getting Together, M/M, POV Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Pining, Watford Eighth Year, magic sharing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:07:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29673168</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/seducing_a_vampire/pseuds/seducing_a_vampire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Twinkle, twinkle, little star<br/>How I wonder what you are</i><br/>*** </p><p>Rewrite of the 'Twinkle Twinkle' scene in Carry On, but with a slightly different spell that has some unforeseen consequences. Baz is angsty, Simon is trying to fix things, and neither can seem to forget what it was like to hold hands among the stars.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Baz's Birthday Exchange</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>How I Wonder</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/moth_writes/gifts">moth_writes</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>dear emma, you are too lovely!!! I hope you enjoy this canon rewrite version of "super dramatic sappy pining Baz and oblivious Simon," with an extra dose of magic sharing and just the right amount of chaos 💖💖💖</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>BAZ</b>
</p><p> </p><p>I’d pinch myself if I wasn’t afraid that’d be too obtrusive. Everything about the reality of our current situation is already off-kilter, though, so I’m tempted to do it anyway.</p><p>I’m sitting on my bed, holding Snow’s hand and feeling significantly less at ease than I prefer to be when I’m with him. I hear the words that he’s saying, but the pounding in my head is louder. He’s so <em> close. </em> His hand is warm, and he grips mine tightly. </p><p>Finally, he shuts up. </p><p>“Do it,” I say. “If you must, do it now and get it over with.”</p><p>He licks his lips and closes his eyes halfway. He looks positively indecent. I force myself to look away— even if he can’t see me, this feels altogether too intimate for my liking. </p><p>My eyes wander across the room looking for a distraction, and I see Simon’s bed just as it always is, the blankets rumpled and crowded at the bottom. (He usually gets too hot in the middle of the night and kicks them off.) I try to ground myself in that customary sight.  </p><p>Then I feel his magic. The smell of it is expected— smoky, sticky. As familiar to me as my own shampoo. It courses through me like a static, and the flaming feeling starts to build. This I know what to do with: This is fire.</p><p>“Still okay?” he asks. “Grand,” I say.</p><p>“What does that mean— does that mean you could use it?” </p><p>It means it feels like I’m plugged into an extension lead, one that’s emitting more power than I realized could exist in a single magician. Even this magician, the Chosen One, the one sitting next to me in flannel school-issued pyjama bottoms.</p><p>I laugh, and it comes out more good-natured than I mean it. “Snow, I think I could cast a sonnet right now.” </p><p>“Show me,” he says. </p><p>I’ve never felt so alight with magic in my entire life. The tips of my toes are tingling, all the way up to my hair, which must be sticking straight up from the rush of energy. Like static, then buzzing more strongly. This is how Simon Snow feels, all the time? Just sitting in class, one spark away from exploding? No wonder he can’t control himself. </p><p>I take a deep breath. My elocution is always perfect, so I don’t worry at all when I utter: <b>“</b> <b> <em>Twinkle, twinkle little star!</em> </b> <b>” </b></p><p>Nursery rhymes have a lot of power. (As we saw earlier today with the dragon.) I’ve never used this particular one before, but I focus clearly on my intent, and suddenly we are gazing at the stars around us. Gone is our room— gone are the desks and Simon’s bed and the walls— all that exists is Simon and me, our hands connecting us like magnets, and the stars around us. </p><p>I stare at Simon now, unable to look away. I see the starlight reflected in his eyes. He grabs my other hand, and I swallow, hard. I taste smoke.</p><p>We’ve left the regular world behind, the one where I know exactly what to expect with Simon, know how to predict his every move and huff and stutter. Surely even among the stars we’re still mortal enemies, fighting on opposite sides of a war for the soul of the world of Mages. But I could let myself forget, just for a moment.</p><p>Simon’s words from earlier float in my head: “Why are you such a villain?”</p><p>I’m still staring at him as I continue, <b> <em>“How I wonder what you are.”</em> </b></p><p>Before I can continue to the next phrase (<em> Up above the world so high— </em>I was hoping that would take us even deeper into the solar system), everything shifts. The starlight fades a bit, and I watch as a yellow glowing light traces a line slowly from Simon’s chest to mine. </p><p>Simon’s magic has been coursing through me the whole time, but now it sparks even more strongly, the fire and brimstone filling me up. I feel the fresh singe of a new spell.</p><p>Simon’s eyes widen. The compulsion hit me hard, like a string suddenly yanking at me from behind my navel. </p><p>“Baz, what’s— what’s happening?” he says in a slightly panicked voice. </p><p><em> How I wonder what you are </em>. What a stupid thing to say. I wasn’t thinking about that, I was thinking about the next line of the rhyme— but my brain was stuck on Simon.</p><p>I know what he wonders about me, what he’s asked me every other week since fifth year. The accusations he’s flung at me in word and in looks of disgust. The reason he stalks me into the Catacombs and wears that bloody cross around his neck.</p><p>And now I have to tell him. </p><p>I squeeze my eyes shut. I’m a damn good magician. Can’t I fight this off? But I know it’s too late. Any counter spells would have had to already been said— and anyway, even I’m not sure how effective counter spells are against your own words. It’s my own fault. </p><p>“You know, Snow,” I say through gritted teeth. “You know what I am, and now you don’t have to wonder any longer.” </p><p>I’m sure I’ll be on the next car ride out of Watford. I open my eyes again to get one last glimpse of Simon before the next words I say ruin our truce and ruin my life. He’ll never look at me again.</p><p>My whole body starts to ache from my delay in speaking the truth. I wonder fleetingly if Simon feels this too. What do I wonder about him, after all? I already know everything. He’s an idiot, and he’s perfect, and he’ll never be mine. </p><p>“Baz, you don’t— you don’t have to say anything. Just stop. Let’s go back down.” He winces a bit, and shakes his head as if clearing it out, but when he speaks again it’s clear: <b> <em>“At ease.” </em> </b></p><p>The stars fade completely, the light between us disappears, and the room comes back into view. The ache is gone, as is the feeling of compulsion. Of all the times for Simon to cast a perfectly enunciated and as-intended spell… </p><p>When I look back at him, it’s Simon’s turn to stare. </p><p>“Baz, I didn’t— I didn’t mean for that. Well, for it to go like that.” </p><p>He’s stammering, as usual. The numpty. His cheeks are flushed, and I’m not sure if it’s from the surge of magic that just connected us or from my almost-confession. I don’t want to stay to find out. </p><p>“Whatever, Snow,” I sneer in my most derisive manner possible, although I’m not sure how it landed as I’m still breathing heavily from the exertion the spell cost. He’s still clasping both of my hands, and I shove them away as if they were suddenly made of flames. After all, Simon surely feels a certain triumph now in having confirmed my own particular flammability. He’d love an opportunity to put that information to good use.</p><p>He’s looking at me as I stand up, his blue eyes wide and uncertain. Even amid this disaster, I can’t help but let my eyes wander briefly down the curve of his face, his stubborn nose, to his full lips. An empty, futile taste that does nothing to satisfy my real hunger.</p><p>“Baz—” </p><p>But I break our gaze and walk out of the room before he can say anything else. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://seducing-a-vampire.tumblr.com/">talk to me on tumblr!</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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